


i will lay me down

by ukulelefoot



Category: Holby City
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Family Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-27 00:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15674268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukulelefoot/pseuds/ukulelefoot
Summary: A series of (ridiculously short) drabbles for Berena Appreciation Week (only two bc I never got around to the others oops)





	1. Pride

**Author's Note:**

> This one is Bernie's POV the night she gets back from Kiev. Introspective shit.

There are a lot of things that Bernie Wolfe has done that she’s not proud of.

She’s not proud of lying to Marcus countless times during their relationship, of marrying him when she knew it wasn’t what she really wanted, of cheating on him, of wasting 25 years of his life when they both could have been much happier apart.

She’s not proud of leaving her children for months on end from a very young age, of flying off to faraway countries and coming back almost a stranger to them, of keeping the truth from them when she didn’t know how to tell them she never really loved their father.

She’s not proud of the way she treated Alex, of how they had to hide their relationship from the world, of how she never did get around to calling her after the divorce - if only to say it wasn’t what she wanted any more.

 

But there are also a lot of things that Bernie Wolfe  _ is _ proud of.

She’s proud of her academic achievements, of getting into a good university and passing with flying colours, of rising up the ranks in the RAMC, of serving Queen and country.

She’s proud of saving countless lives, of performing tricky operations under difficult circumstances.

She’s proud of conceding that her injury took too much out of her to continue in warzones, of how she’s adapted to the NHS - albeit falteringly.

She’s proud of the Trauma Unit, of opening up to her colleagues - her friends - of becoming part of a team again when she thought that part of her life was over.

She’s proud of coming out, of being unashamed in who she is once she accepts it, of overcoming decades of internalised homophobia.

She’s proud of how she’s beginning to build bridges with her children, of their victories, of the people they’ve become despite her making a few mistakes along the way.

 

And Serena.

Bernie’s proud of the friendship she’s created with Serena.  She’s not proud of the amount of times she’s jeopardised it. She’s proud of being brave enough to let her feelings show and kiss her.  She’s not proud of running away. She’s proud of coming back.

 

But it’s lying in Serena’s bed, wrapped up in the woman she loves - having just admitted her feelings after urgent, desperate and then gentle, tender lovemaking - that Bernie feels proudest of all.


	2. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these fics are just going to appear as and when I've written them. think of it as a very extended berena appreciation week??
> 
> this is set right after that beautiful scene in the lobby

Back on the ward, they barely have the chance to convince Greta that they are her best option when it comes to theatre before she needs to go in, but she’s too tired and in pain to argue and concedes.  A porter takes her away to the prep room and Bernie just stands there for a second, looks at the baby where she’s snuggled up in Jason’s arms.

Serena moves closer to her and brings a hand up to rest between Bernie’s shoulder blades.

“Guinevere Elinor,” Serena says.

Bernie turns to her, a sad smile on her face, and leans her forehead against Serena’s for a quiet moment.

“Perfect,” she replies, standing up straight again and looking back at the baby.  Serena hums a laugh next to her.

“Nearly as ridiculous as ‘Berenice’,” she whispers in Bernie’s ear.

Before Bernie has the chance to elbow her in the ribs, Serena heaves a deep breath and moves away.

“Come on, then,” she says.  “Better go and get scrubbed in.”

Bernie nods, goes to leave, but instead she walks up to Jason and Guinevere, brushes a finger against the baby’s cheek and then squeezes Jason’s arm, smiles at him with narrowed eyes.  Jason grins back and she lets go, jogs over to where Serena is waiting for her by the doors into the theatres.

* * *

They work quickly and efficiently on Greta, stitch her up and go to scrub out.  Serena tells Donna to move her to the side room, away from the hustle and bustle of the main ward, and Donna scrunches up her nose as she grins and says she will.

“Bernie?”

The theatre is empty, as is the scrub room, just the two of them side-by-side washing their hands.  Bernie looks up at her, sees the furrow of her brow.

“I’m sorry,” Serena says.

They dry their hands, take off their scrub caps, then Bernie comes to stand in front of Serena and takes her hands.

“I’m sorry, too.”  She leans in and kisses Serena softly.  “I know we need to talk about… But I want to meet my new great-niece properly.”

Serena’s face lights up and she steals another quick kiss.

* * *

 

Jason hands the baby over as soon as Serena’s sat down in one of the chairs by Greta’s bed, Bernie perched on the arm.  He’s tired, too, and wants a nap while Guinevere is asleep.

Once he’s settled, Bernie looks down at the tiny bundle in Serena’s arms.  She wasn’t expecting to meet her so soon. For a horrible interlude this afternoon, she didn’t think she’d meet her at all.  She shakes that thought away for later and touches Serena’s arm.

“Stand up,” she says quietly, waiting for Serena to do so before sitting on the chair herself and getting comfy.

“Why have you just stolen the seat when I’m the one holding the baby?” Serena asks.

“Come here, silly.”  Bernie laughs, pulling Serena towards her and guiding her to sit in her lap.

“Ah,” Serena smiles.  “I see.”

Bernie encourages Serena to lie against her and rest Guinevere’s legs on her stomach.  The baby snuffles and they watch her in silence for a while.

“Hello, Guinevere,” Serena whispers.  “I’m your Great Auntie Serena. And this…”  She takes Bernie’s hand and links it with Guinevere’s.  “...is your Great Auntie Bernie.”

Bernie strokes her thumb over the tiny fist and thinks that there’s nothing she wouldn’t do to protect this beautiful girl.  Guinevere’s eyes crack open, gaze up at her.

“Hello, there, little one,” she coos.

Serena nuzzles against her cheek and she turns for a tender kiss.

“I love you both so much,” Bernie whispers, not trusting her voice to stay steady.  They look back down at Guinevere and Serena gets comfy again, murmurs as she plays with the tuft of hair on the baby’s head.

“Me too.”


End file.
